Friday 21 January 2011

Canal Boat Anarchist.

I have decided that with the imminent arrival of early retirement that I should throw off the Mr Nice-Guy disguise and assume the identity of my alter-ego. So, I am about to become a canal boat anarchist. I shall endeavour to go where others fear to tread.

I realise that I might have left it a bit late in life to join in with the eco-warrior or anarchist life style. But no longer shall I be guided by the obviously self serving "keyboard captains". Who with oodles of negativity, sarcasm and one-up-manship, spend more time on the canal forums, than they ever do on the canals and rivers. I feel the need to get as far away from that oft espoused "purist claptrap" published to boost their ego deficient lives. Promulgated at great length as being the "correct way" of doing things on a canal.

My top tips for those like me who would like to become a canal anarchist!
  1. I am not going to be browbeaten into having my side fenders up whenever I'm on the move. No, I fully intend to have the best of both. So from now on, the front fenders will be down and the back fenders will be up.
  2. In future all exit lock gates will be left half open and if anyone should dare to make a complaint, then I will leave them half shut - out of pure malevolence and spite.
  3. I am not having a pump out toilet on my boat, No! I'm having one of those super-duper super-scooper pump-in toilets. I know a good thing when I see it!
  4. I am not even going to consider having a cassette toilet. I never did understand what that drivel was all about. If I have to choose, then it’s the full DVD version for me.
  5. Mooring pins -v- piling pins, what is that load of cack all about? I'm having none of this namby-pamby wishy-washy stuff. What's wrong with using trees and fences at the side of the towpath. There will also be somewhere to hang up my washing whist it dries.
  6. Who cares how long your mooring ropes are, just use bungee cords.
 It's not brain surgery after all.


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