Have you been watching Guy Martin on TV?

The apparent "northern character" replacement by the BBC for the late Fred Dibnah is a guy called Guy Martin. Guy Martin's major claim to fame is his ability to ride a motorcycle round the TT course on the Isle of Man at a flatulance inducing speed. When it comes to riding a high power motorcycle Guy Martin has few peers.

A simple description of Guy is that he his a very personable young man, He has some very large "mutton chop" sideburns and is endowed with a soft Lincolnshire accent. The average Jill Public female will find him to be something of an endearing boyish character.

The narrow-boating program is called "The Boat That Guy Built". The problem is that if we take the title literally, then Guy is not building a boat - more almost renovating a boat. Reckless the boat was burned out in the past and has been part restored to a lined sailaway condition already. Guy who is a truck mechanic by trade, starts to renovate the narrowboat. Whilst at the same time travelling along some disjointed sections of the canal network.

The BBC said "Guy will be using and illustrating some of the inventions of the Industrial Revolution. The programme involves reconstruction of some early industrial processes such as the smelting of iron."

Program number one: Was very light weight and I think it was intended to set the plot for the later episodes. In the episode Guy and his oppo Mave attempt their first faltering steps in narrow boat control. They also learn about making tea as well as throwing a pot and casting a small cast iron cauldron.

There are a few errors in the filming continuity, as well as large canal distances being covered in a short time space. There are also glaring errors in some safety aspects, such as lighting a barbecue to brew tea on the roof of a boat.  Especially a narrow boat that has been burned out on a previous occasion.

What does come across is that Guy finds the whole experience enjoyable, his enthusiasm shines through and his very dry almost droll sense of humour will be lost on some people.

In most biker forums, Guy's first exploit into the world of television has been well received. Yet at the same time, on some inland waterway forums the program content and Guy have been panned. On a scale of one to ten - I would give the program a six. Plus a school report of "Guy could do better". I shall await the next five episodes with some interest.

The late Fred Dibnah shoes will take some filling. Mark Williams presented a number of similar industrial revolution and Victorian engineering programs. Whilst Williams was portrayed acting the part of a tough brash northerner. His character did not have the same natural down to earth quality of Fred Dibnah.

Fred Dibnah was filmed in 1978, making repairs to a Lancashire Town Hall by a regional BBC news crew. The BBC later commissioned an award-winning documentary of Fred Dibnah at work as a "northern" steeplejack. Dibnah's rough and no nonsense manner, plus his gentle Lancashire accent and philosophical look on life, proved very popular. Dibnah was commissioned later to present a programme on Britain's industrial history which also proved to be very popular. Later Fred went on to present a further series, largely concerned with the Industrial Revolution and its mechanical and architectural legacy.

Guy Martin is from the same north of England background as Fred Dibnah and has many of his northern qualities. Including a quick wit, a natural inquisitiveness and a willingness to state the obvious. I hope that in time Guy Martin's natural charm and pragmatic outlook will be seen in a similar light. There are close parallels between them both. I could easily imagine Fred and Guy over a beer and a cup of tea, having long conversations about all kinds of industrial and mechanical engineering issues. They would both be at ease with each other.

Since I started writing this, part II has now been viewed. In the words of Paul Daniels "I liked it, a little bit, not a lot" its not what I would have described as compelling viewing. I still can't make up my mind if it is the subject matter or alternatively building up and fleshing out of the two main characters which this series is directed at. As in the previous episode there are certain canal safety worries. Normally I would not promote the "Safety Taliban" mindset. However climbing off the roof onto a bridge, crossing the road and climbing down again onto the boat is a stupid prank. It sends a very poor safety message about what can be a deadly hobby. But when you are used to racing a motorcycle on the track this narrow-boating will seem quite tame by comparison.

Maybe I need to try and adapt my tastes, a bit like when we were presented a few years back with the "alternative comedy" of Alexi Sayle. Which in all honesty I found to be as funny as sore piles. I admit that I am a bit more of a Ben Elton and Mark Thomas fan. Which I like to postulate as being the "Thinking Man's Comedy". Observational comedy has always been my first choice, from people such as Billy Connolly and John Bishop. That's not to say that I don't like what is served up as alternative, its just that some alternative comedy is more alternative than others.

Later....

More canal books.

More books for the Rosie bookshelf.

The credit card has taken a big hit and the bookshelf will soon be creaking even more under the weight of my latest purchase. Sticking to the theme, they are all canal orientated. So my reading matter is assured for the next few weeks.

Troubled Waters, author Margaret Cornish. ISBN 0947712259

The story of a scheme hatched by the government during the dark days of the second world war. by way of recruiting young girls to crew canal carrying boats whilst the menfolk were away fighting at the front. Troubled Waters chronicles the wartime experiences of Margaret Cornish as she became one of a select group of ladies known as "Idle Women".

The Quiet Waters By, author David Blagrove. ISBN 0947712356

Autobiography of a Boat Carrying Company operator in the 1960's. The book describes how the author left what might have been seen as an office bound job for the uncertain future as a member of a canal boat crew. Day to day descriptions of other boat people he met along the way. At the same time chronicling the changes he experienced in what was a significant downturn in the canal carrying business.

Bread upon the Waters, author David Blagrove. ISBN 097712275

The continuing autobiography of a Boat Carrying Company operator now turned Company Lock Keeper. The author gives some insight into the latter part of the commercial operations on the inland waterways. Recounting his experience of working as a lock keeper on the upper reaches of the River Thames.

Idle Women, author Susan Woolfitt. ISBN 0905366340

Another wartime adventure of working the canal boats along the inland waterways. The author recounts her experiences of the hard work experienced by the female boat crews. Whilst the menfolk referred to these volunteers as "Idle Women" the term carried some endearment and a grudging respect for the essential wartime work these hard working women were doing.

Maidens Trip, author Emma Smith. 9780747598961

A wartime adventure told by the author of her experiences of working on the canal boats. Emma as one of a select band of ladies who would be fondly known forever as the "Idle Women".

London's Lost Route to Portsmouth, author P.A.L. Vine. ISBN 1860772838

The story of the rise and rapid failure of the Portsmouth and Arundel Canal. Constructed between London and Portsmouth, the canal was a financial and management disaster in the making. Chronicling with hindsight the highs and lows of a project that was overtaken by the changing political and trading circumstances of London in the mid 1800's.

Later.....

Like Baldric I have a cunning plan.

We have had a couple of short one-day-trips along the canal returning back to the mooring. This is to check that all is well on Rosie after the winter layup. Today, I topped up the diesel tank with fifty litres purchased at my local petrol station who also sell red diesel. The price was 89.9p per litre. There is no diesel available for canal side purchase along this stretch. So I suppose beggars can't be choosers. Last time I topped up the tank in September last year at the same station it was around 74.1p per litre. However, looking back I am glad that we avoided the option of a diesel stove. I so much prefer the solid fuel stove where we burn a bit of coal and the odd log or two.  The gas Alde central heating boiler on Rosie is not very fuel efficient. Therefore we don't use it if we can avoid it. Two 13kg gas bottles don't last long and at at £51 a pair its a consideration to make.

I am starting to plan for a possible two part cruise this year.

The Memsahib is still working (until July) and her annual leave entitlement is at a premium this year. So we will be a bit late in starting out. Easter, seems to be start of the traditional boating year. However, we will be at a family wedding on Good Friday which would have been our expected starting point. But with the usual weekend to follow plus Easter Monday and Tuesday as holidays. Then the royal wedding the following Friday, plus the second weekend. For two days of annual leave the Memsahib gets a week off. Then there is May Day, the following Monday which is another public holiday so for a further four annual leave days we get another full week.

So where to go and what to do.

We don't intend to go chasing the boating miles, but we do intend to have a very relaxing time. So we have been studying the canal maps and we thought we would do a return trip as far as York. However, we plan to have a number of stops along the way just to explore the countryside and canal side hostelries. So I would not be surprised to find that we don't actually make it all the way. One further option is to do whatever we do. Then if we run out of available time me and the dog can single hand the boat back to our home moorings

Part two will be later in the year.

In late July early August we intend to have two or three months out and about before mooring up once again until spring 2012. Our cruise will depend on the unpredictable typical British summer weather, because if the main river systems such as the Trent are in flood our choices of cruising route will be restricted.

Later....

I want to break free!

In the words of the immortal Freddy Mercury "I want to break free", has come to be.

Yes it's official - as of the 28th of February 2011, I am now one of those scroungers on the dole. So at dinner time, I presented myself in the local pub for the ritual leaving drink. It was nice to see a few old friendly faces. There was the usual leaving card with various snippets telling me to "go away" and to "go now". Best of all, I was presented with a watch - made of titanium - to which I said in my acceptance mumble, "thanks and now I will have even more time on my hands."

Then returning to my office, just to say goodbye to my close colleagues and to set my out of office email message to "Elvis has left the building". As well as sending the usual goodbye email message round the faculty. The Memsahib came to collect me and we walked out of the university together. Down the steps, pausing on the last step into the street. I said "I am now retired" as we stepped onto the pavement. It was a poignant moment and the Memsahib had a tear in her eye. I had a spring in my step. Mag's sees this as the end of and era, I see it as a new challenge for the future. We are like chalk and cheese, and that's exactly why it works so well.

The University and myself parted company amicably with the exchange of a large pile of shekels pushed in my direction. This morning I awoke at my customary 6:10 am as usual. The Memsahib was also stirring  so I got up and brewed a cup of "Chai" tea for us both. If you are a tea drinker and you want something good in a morning to get you up and going, you could do a lot worse than a good cup of Twinings Chai. The trick is to let it brew well as the full taste takes a while to develop.

It was then that I realised I would be staying at chateau "Wits End" and only the Memsahib would be going to work today. I awoke her with a quick peck on the cheek saying "Tea Up" followed by "It's good to know that I'm now a kept man" The memsahib has a way of speaking with her eyes, as one eye slowly opened and the malevolence shone out bright. I thought - time for a strategic withdrawal - and set off to make some porridge and toast. The calming influence of the Chai seemed to have worked and the Memsahib was her usual self by the time the morning ablution ritual finished.

So today, I start the task of unburdening ourselves of much of the chattel we have accumulated over the years. So I shall be putting various books up on Amazon as my first task. Then me and the dog will be spending a bit of time going for a good leisurely walk for a couple of hours. Wash the car and wash a couple of the motorcycles in the garage. I need to pressure wash the patio and then clean out the log burner stove as it has not been out for over three months. Then I need to... err, a sudden thought struck me "I have so much on - however did I have time to work." 

Just what is it that I have retired from exactly?

Later....

Waterways petition.

Last year a petition to the prime minister was instigated to help protect our waterways by not selling off property owned by British Waterways prior to becoming an inland waterways chartity.

The petition was submitted by Ian Rees with a deadline to sign up of the 6 June 2010.  The petition was well supported with 22,310 signatures appended. The petition is now closed, as its deadline has passed.

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to protect our canals by not selling off property owned by British waterways. Further to recent announcements concerning the potential sell-off of properties owned by British Waterways by the Treasury, we petition the Prime Minister to give assuarnces that our canals will be protected and recent levels of investement, a credit to Labour, is maintained. Our canals are great source of pleasure for many people in the country, providing a source of employment through tourism and associated businesses. They're also home to many forms of wildlife. Without proper management this will ebb away and the network return to a state of decay and ruin. We urge the Government to allow British Waterways to retain its property portfolio, protecting its essential source of revenue and ensure the sustainability of its work.

Government has now responded.

On 14 October 2010 the Government announced that British Waterways would be abolished as a public corporation and that we would create a new charity, similar to a national trust for the waterways. Details of the public consultation on the proposed model, including scope and governance, will be announced within the coming few weeks. The new waterways charity is expected to be set up in 2012, subject to Parliamentary consent and time. A civil society model for British Waterways reflects the Government’s commitment to Big Society, as well as its confidence in British Waterways to work with others to build a sustainable future for the waterways under a charitable model. A charitable company will give users and communities more responsibility for governance of the waterways. It also has the potential to enable the new body to access new income streams and greater public support at a time when there is considerable pressure on other sources of income. Charitable status would also facilitate a step change in volunteering, enhanced local partnership working and a range of cost efficiencies. The Government will give the new charity the best start it can afford, with the transfer of the property portfolio and a long term contract. As a first step, the Government has provided a new long term commitment to a grant allocation at the 2014/15 level (£39m) to 2022/23 inclusive (covering the next two Spending Review periods) that will enable the development of a funding plan which gives confidence to the incoming Trustees of the new charity. The amount and length of the contract will be subject to negotiation with the Trustees, who will be appointed this April.

Now I think it is time to petition the PM to exclude members of the current BW board from playing any "non voluntary roll" in the the new waterways charity.