Saturday 14 April 2012

Contact Sport.

Its the silly season - no to be fair its the stupid season. Some thicko called Pete Bell has written a "Pete of Crap" in the "Sun" (allegedly it has some similarities to a newspaper) As its the start of the boating season its the Sun and "Pete of Crap" trying to sell boating holidays.

The bit of dog poo is titled "Avin It Barge" and it goes down hill from there. There are little snippets like "Over three days I managed to run aground twice, slam into a bridge and bump too many other boats to remember."
A good job it was not my narrowboat - otherwise "Pete of Crap" would have remembered me for a very long long time. To be honest, "Pete of Crap" would have had nightmares for a long time to come!

Pete of Crap then wittered on "I also got us wedged between the canal banks while attempting a 21-point turn. Luckily, they’re a tolerant lot on the Oxford Canal. And equally luckily, the steel used to make their aqua- caravans is about a foot thick. To sink one would require a violent ineptitude beyond even me.

Pete, from what I have read so far, ineptitude is not your major failing - your major failing was birth control and it involved your parents. Pete of crap - would have discovered that toleration does not come to me as a natural trait.

Then it was the classic “It’s a contact sport, narrowboating,” was a phrase I heard a lot over the weekend. Usually from the bemused skipper of a boat I’d just rammed.

So Pete of crap - if I come round you place and ram your car, you would be happy to hear me say with a chuckle as I drive away - "don't worry,  driving - its a contact sport"

Pete of Crap then wrote "But just as I thought I was getting hang of it, just when I started to think I was cut out for this skipper lark, I scraped the length of the boat along the last bridge before the boatyard."

Pete of Crap, I don't think you are cut our for any skill that requires hand eye co-ordination. So I think you should take up a new passtime. How about juggling axes.

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