Wednesday 25 February 2015

Spanish News for the English (4)

The 'Spanish News for the English' is a service in support of European Multiculturalism for English Boaters considering a different type of winter break. As an alternative to the more usual ankle, leg or arm due to the inclement UK weather. Due to language difficulties and the unavailability of translation services. There may be one or two small inaccuracies in the news provided.

Dateline Denia: It seems that the local porkers have been causing a few problems down at the airport. An aircraft which was on final approach was forced to abort landing. It then had to circle over the airport until the wayward porker was flushed out and chased off the runway area. I avoided the obvious 'pigs might fly' and 'swine flew' jokes or even musing if he got the 'chop'. But apparently he was extremely 'disgruntled' at being disturbed by the security staff. 

Dateline Madrid: There are a plethora of smaller political parties in Spain that can band together to bring about significant influence to make sweeping policy changes - even if only at the local level. One such group that is gaining ground is looking to nationalise all land currently in foreign ownership. To do this they would need to negotiate a derogation of EU policy or alternatively seek a - yes no - referendum and leave the EU altogether. Whilst they would not need to directly fund the land grab. Shares being issued in the place of Euro, by the simple expedient of 'paying for the land' in Spanish government gilts.   The gilts would be subject to a period of time to mature, before they could be cashed in. They would also be subject to market forces and could also drop in value. 

Property owners would have to pay the equivalent of ground rent to the local council. This will help with funding the necessary services. Creating the intriguing situation where  Spanish nationals would be able to own land. But foreign nationals would have to give up all title to ownership of land. The graffiti is on the wall so to speak and there has been a drop in property and land ownership in Spain by Russian oligarchs. Which has fallen by almost 1% in the last year alone. 

Dateline Pago: It's market day!

Dateline Calpe: A top UK criminal fugitive from justice has been arrested on the Costa Packet after being discovered living a life of luxury under an assumed name. Due to the restrictions in the Spanish data protection act. Neither his real or fictitious name can be revealed.

Dateline Salamanca: A 20 year old American from Georgia called Benjamin Miller,
who was not subject to the Spanish data protection act. |Was gored while running with the bulls in Ciudad Rodrigo on Saturday morning. Bull running is another part of Spain's intangible cultural heritage. It was on the first day of the town’s festival. A local doctor said 'Its the the worst Goring we have seen since Herman an early German tourist in the Franco days.'

Dateline Torre de la Horadada: The Guardia Civil has confiscated 465 kilos of cocaine when they intercepted a boat. The drugs bust developed when the Guardia Civil saw the boat making what were described as strange movements. After the crew who where were wearing striped shirts and masks ignited the
Guardia Civil's slow burn suspicions. Thirteen packages of drugs which were clearly marked as 'cocaine swag' were found inside the boat. which after analysis turned out to be a 465 kilo haul of cocaine.

Dateline Alicante: Meanwhile in a non-related incident, the Alicante Local Police Canine Unit has had finally had a success since the units dog had undergone surgery. In a search which was conducted by the recently neutered dog and handler. On board a bus that was about to depart for Barcelona. The dog identified one of the passengers, a woman in her fifties. Who was subsequently found to have hidden in a body cavity 150 grams of cocaine. The Guardia Civil chief said the find though small by comparison with the 465 kilos of cocaine discovered earlier was nothing to be sniffed at.

Dateline Benidorm: Talking about dogs, we had a day out in Benidorm just to see how the other half live. Thank god we are not in the other half. We noticed that there were no hungry dogs to be seen anywhere in Benidorm. We think the dogs must feed on last nights pavement pizza's. When we were ready for something to eat, looking around we found a seafood restaurant and decided to give it a try. I had one anchovy and that’s the reason why I didn’t have two anchovies. I’m also sick of soup of the day, everywhere you go its soup of the day. It’s time for restaurants to make a decision. Instead of calling it soup of the day call it Ministroni like everyone else. I want to know what the soup of the day is from now on. 

Dateline Gandia: An English tourist who was mugged in the street offered the Guardia Civil a description of her assailant. She said he was small and squat, 5' 4'' tall, with a dark moustache, a greying goatee beard, a pair of heavy gold earrings, a pair of designer sunglasses. His dark wavy hair was long and tied back in a ponytail, he was wearing a brown leather hat and spoke with a strong Spanish accent. The Guardia Civil officer asked the tourist if she had noticed any distinguishing marks!

Dateline Málaga:
Most people will know of Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Martyr Patricio Clito Ruíz y Picasso. If only for the popular people carrier (the length of a small bus) that carries his name. Picasso and his friend Georges Braque were famous for creating the cubism period. However, a little known fact is that Pablo was also into ice sculpture but few of his works have survived. Ice sculpture is making a comeback as a popular Spanish artistic pass time. Recently we went into a restaurant where the owner had been practising the ice sculptor's art. All the drinks which were served came complete with a tribute to Picasso in the form an ice cube.

Now its time for the Spanish Quiz question of the week.
If you walked by a Spanish record store and the sign outside said their speciality was in hard to find LP records and audio tapes. But when you checked you found it was because nothing was sorted in alphabetical order. Are you being doubly short changed?

Answers please on a 10 Euro note to the usual address.

Pasta Lumbago!

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