Saturday 11 January 2014

Gormless Graduates

Dear Bill.

Not a great deal to report I'm afraid from the back deck on Nb Dulwich Dishwasher.

Well the winter seems to be on it's way as the dark, brooding, storm clouds gather once again over the canal. Not only that, but the weather is no better either. I happened to bump into one of the trustees called Digby Snopes in the Yates Wine Lodge. I had nipped in to sample a glass of their finest fortified French 'vin effondrement' You have to hand it to those French Johnnies. When it comes to wine they know their onions.

But I digress, Digby was telling me this story about what he referred to as a 'two wheeled, Lycra clad, towpath terrorist.' It seems the cyclist was doing one of his regular self inflicted time trials along the towpath velodrome. He was flat out and scattering walkers and fishermen in his wake. When on a sharp bend his front wheel hit rut and catapulted him over the handlebars and into the canal. It was as something of a shock to all the boaters, however mercifully it seems that he quickly drowned. The boaters, anglers and walkers have now held a collection. Between them they have purchased a wreath made in the form of a lifebelt. Everyone agrees its what he would have wanted. 

I am a bit puzzled about all the new bright eyed graduates in civil engineering being taken on as employees of the trust. Its just that most of them are massively over qualified for the menial tasks they are expected to do. However, more than anything else, what stands the hair up on the back of my neck. I can well remember the time when I was at University. There were hundreds of geek under graduates. Potty trained from an early age, they were destined to be high flyers in the inland waterways industry. Eventually to become gormless graduates with the knowledge to split the atom, but could not be trusted to wire a three pin plug.

I called in at Mr Khan's corner shop and ladies and gentleman's outfitters. He had racks full of jumpers that were being imported from Bangladesh. He said he had started the new business as a result of the price increases in gas and electricity. He thought the local wrinklies would want to stock up on their winter woollies.

Khan told me that he had now switched his power supplier. He was trying to avoid the annual winter price hike. Khan has now changed to one that was being run by Mr Silvio Berlesconi the ex prime minister of Italy. (I think that Berlesconi was something to do with the Italian bunga bunga party. It sounds to be a bit like the Tories on steroids)  Apparently Berlesconi's business is called Power Gen-Italia.
I had to take the Memsahib to visit the doctor yesterday. I found her sat reading the 'Towpath Bugle' and rambling on about the way that she appreciates the architectural and historical glory of the canals. The sixth century Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu wrote that: "To attain knowledge add things every day. To attain wisdom remove things every day" So the doctor has upped her dosage to two tablets and I have removed the bottle!

Well I must run, toodle pip old boy.

Cap't Bob

"The events depicted in this series of letters are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental. No person should without the prior permission of the author assume the identity of any character. These letters are a story that could be based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be accidental composites, or entirely fictitious. I was helped in my creative endeavour by my friend's telepathic cat named Huxley. Huxley assumes all responsibility for any mistakes and errors."

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