Saturday 1 June 2013

Letters pray.

Dear Bill.

Not a great deal to report in the last month, from the back deck of Nb Dulwich Dishwasher.

Letters spray ye brethren of the boats. As we fast approach that time of the year, when we wish a convivial and Christian good will towards all mankind. This year the queens message of hope for Syria, is being delivered by Mr Cameron - written on the side of a bomb. We will wish our friends in North America a very good morning and hope your daily home grown massacre starts to abate. We also wish our Commonwealth brothers and sisters in Australia a very good evening. Pausing, for a moment to reflect and wish the people of Syria goodbye.

Meanwhile, back on the cut. The weather once more is continuing in what we have now become accustomed to expect it to be - which is unpredictable. The typical environmental disaster of the driest warmest November on record is followed within days by floods. This is what we lovingly call a typical British autumn. Watching the patterns of rings formed on the water is very relaxing and therapeutic, yet it seems to make me go dizzy. Especially when observed through the bottom of a large glass of something the Memsahib brought home. I think its called chateau 'un mauvais goût dans la bouche'

However, I have discovered that the soft pitta patter of rain, can provide its own entertainment. Particularly when you get fed up of playing monotonous monopoly or strip tiddlywinks! This evening, I expect I will be called upon to organise the latest raindrop on the window pane race. That should provide a welcome break from the ongoing early morning to late evening audio entertainment. Listening to the now plump ducks pulling the last of the weed from the waterline. That reminds me, I must remind the Memsahib to get some oranges to make a marinade!

I've heard on the jungle drum that the brethren of the inner sanctum at CaRT have organised for a few new fellows to replace that bloke and bint with the irritable smile. In common with everyone else, I can't help but wonder what the new chaps and chapesses rate of remuneration plus perks will be. I was thinking that I could maybe organise a sweepstake down at the marina on the outcome. The prize could be a bottle of last week's special offer at Mr Khan's corner shop. I think its called chateau 'de mauvais goût.' To make it a fair sweepstake challenge, it could be based on the average number of boat licences that will be required. My guess is that it will be around three hundred and fifty licences for the main wedge and another hundred to cover the obligatory perks.

However, I am pleased to report that there has not been much heard or seen of recent days from the 'hubble bubble, toil and trouble coven' who make up part of our erstwhile neighbours from hell. One or two of them have been popping down the flight and disappearing off down the cut, I assume its to annoy someone else for a change. However, an enjoyable afternoon was had observing Nb Archangel on its maiden voyage. Deftly ramming the lock gates before bouncing off the lock entrance walls. Complete with the bod on the tiller, with his collar on back to front. Who had that look in his eyes of someone who started out very early on the communion wine.

Well its almost time for my afternoon siesta, to be taken while the Memsahib is busy polishing the portholes into submission.

Toodle pip old boy.

Cap't Bob

"The events depicted in this series of letters are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental. No person should without the prior permission of the author assume the identity of any character. These letters are a story that could be based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be accidental composites, or entirely fictitious. I was helped in my creative endeavour by my friend's telepathic cat named Huxley. Huxley assumes all responsibility for any mistakes and errors."

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