Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Nursing Home TV!

A few of you might be having problems of déjà vu, from reading this. It comes from the French, for literally "already seen." Déjà vu is the phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event currently being experienced has been experienced in the past. That's because I pressed the publish button instead of the save button whilst editing the posting. So for about half an hour the part completed posting was published before being retracted.

Now, where was I, ah yes....

I must have had a bad dose of narrowboat cabin fever. A few days ago in a petulant fit of boredom, I turned on "Nursing Home TV."  This is the television output on the vast majority of the digital channels that are programmed for broadcast in the afternoon entertainment slot. As I flicked around it was like travelling back in time. However, I was amazed and taken aback because time had been so bad on on of the steam driven television pioneers. With a more youthful if equally repugnant Berk as is Jeremy Clarkson. There he was "Jezza" complete with acne and the beginnings of a monster chip on his shoulder. Hair like a kitchen scourer and a face like a slapped arse. In all fairness there was not much change other than less grey hair and a deathly pallor. I always though he had missed his calling with the demise of the Hammer House of Horrors!

So I pressed the button on the controller again. It was an edition of Time Team which was recorded much closer to the Romano British era in time, than it is to the present day. There were experts complete with hair and the production crew were obviously still perfecting their down the cleavage shots of Carenza, the token female. I actually like this sort of ground breaking (pun intended) program. Baldrick was his usual cynical self but seemed to be just out of nappies. Phil Harding looked just as old as he does today, as did his surgically removable hat. Plus the resident prof was having his usual bad hair and jumper day. The gadget man was as effusing as ever about the wrong sort of everything. Whilst Stuart the walkabout man, sensibly was keeping away from the throng by going on walkabout. 

So I pressed the button on the controller once again. This time I was availed by a  fly on the wall (pun intended) Environmental Health Department -v- Asian restaurant owner, who was being checked over for public health reasons. There were live rabbits in cages in the kitchen. Such a pretty kitchen, that it has to be said, had been tastefully decorated with a lifetime of chip fat and other such grime. The inspectors first kitted themselves with germ warfare barrier suits and body cavity searching heavy duty rubber gloves. Then came the respirator, before going delving into the various cupboards. As the light entered the cupbords the mice and cockroaches made a dash for safety. There were however many casualties old and new. Some even seemed to have been trampled underfoot for a quite a while.

Curmudgeon CommentThen it happened the jaw dropping moment. The inspector told the staff that "there were a few problems with cleanliness." WTF! This inspector could have worked for CaRT for his championship level of understatement. 

The restaurant which had once been a three star (Michelin?) establishment had now been rated at "zero stars" and that the staff had been recommended for training in basic life skills. Which was to be followed by hand washing after first mastering potty training. Expecting that the sewer restaurant would be closed down as a danger to the health of cockroaches and mice. Plus being declared a bio hazard to the health and well-being of humanity. I was gob smacked when the inspector (who looked like an overweight version of Larry Grayson) said they could carry on the business. And by way of a warning, he said that an inspector would be back in three weeks to do another check. That will teach them a lesson!

Any sane individual would automatically shut down any food outlet scoring "zero stars." Not only that you would have expected them to call out the fire brigade a couple of days later. Just to damp down the embers after the clean up conflagration had finished its job. I figured with all the oil, fat and other organic combustibles that the building had been coated in. It could easily take a couple of days for the flames to go out. Just how bad does it have to get to close one of these establishments down?

I wonder what's for tea - anyone up for a takeaway Ruby Murry?


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