Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Cock and Bullshit

When I read this, I thought it was April 1st again. Or something dreamed up after a few sherry trifles by the Chair of the Canal and River Trust. 

Apparently Barking, is about to start living up to its name and has gone completely and utterly mad. Because the barking councillors in Barking say that they will be the first to use new technology DNA forensic testing. Which will be deployed to catch owners who fail to clear up after their dogs. The London council says it is poised to become the first in the UK to use DNA testing to track down owners who fail to clear up their dog's mess. 
The barking councillors in Barking are about to unveil this extraordinary new measure at a dog fouling summit on called 'Leading a New Way'.  Again I checked the calendar - I mean barking and leading.... It seems that all pet owners will also face fines of up to £80 if they fail to clear up their pets excrement. Under the barking councillors in Barking's plan. The pets DNA would be collected by a cheek swab which is sent to a laboratory.   
Well, I don't know about you, but I have the devils job getting the dog to take a pill. She trusts me and I feed and water her.  As well as being her companion for the last seven years. I can't wait to see a barking councillor take a swab out of my dogs cheek. That and successfully come away with the same number of fingers. 
The barking councillors in Barking say the DNA profile is then going to be added to a central register. Which is being compiled by PooPrints UK. I have just checked the calendar - I mean barking, leading and now poo printing!

The council hope to set up a pilot for forensic dog mess testing and if successful, it will be rolled out across the borough from September 2016. They will discuss how this could be combined with the forthcoming requirement from 1st of April 2016 for all dogs to be micro-chipped.  If an owner fails to pick up their dog’s mess, a DNA test will be taken from the offending faeces which can be traced back to a registered dog with 99.9 per cent accuracy.

Councillor Darren Rodwell, said: 'We are the first Council in the country to get really tough on pet owners.'  Can someone get a muzzle restraint and a swab ready, please.  I have a barking councillor here and we need to check his DNA because this one is talking a load of Bullshit!

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