Monday, 13 October 2014

Mr Potatohead

I took a bag of rubbish for a walk round to the waste disposal point at Fradley Junction.  I have been known to take bags of rubbish for a walk before. Usually I have been ordered to take it for a walk.  It was a nice but cold walk in the pleasant but still weak sunshine. There was an air of peace and quiet, bird song. I even spotted a Green Woodpecker the tranquillity was enhanced by the chug chug of a couple of boat engines. There were boats moored everywhere some were breasted up, but both side were full of boats. There was a boat that had just exited the lock and another one on final approach towards the lock. It was at this point where I lost £250. Damnation.

It was a joy to behold, it was like a well choreograph ballet move. One boat slid into a small gap as the other one slid slowly by.  A quick burst of power to bring the front end out with the suction from the passing boat. It was one of those super slick moves. you know, the ones that you always want to do in front of a crowd. but when you do - there is no one there to appreciate your show of boating skill.

However, it was early and the were few people about to appreciate the consummate ease and skills on display. Then it happened - like a jack in a box - this Mr Potatohead appears - and with it comes a loud voice that starts to berate the boaters concerned. I think his boat had rocked by a couple of millimetres. He starts out with 'you idiot' and goes rapidly downhill from there.  There was a monetary lull in the irritating noise from Mr Potatohead and then the voice of Mrs Potatohead could be heard, well to be honest it could have been heard in the next county. She did not hold back - with a voice that would have graced Foghorn Leghorn she waded into the boaters. It was an unbridled display of irritability, the likes of which I have not seen for many years.  The command of the Anglo Saxon vernacular demonstrated years of practice and years of irritability.

The best of it was that the boater concerned was either profoundly deaf or he was the coolest guy on the planet. With complete aplomb, he acknowledged the other boater. Blanked the Potatoheads and went serenely on his way. Not only was he mega cool with the boat manoeuvres but he was mega cool with the way he managed their affront.  I salute you sir.

It was then that I realised I had lost £250. It was a bitter disappointment. This would have topped anything on 'You've been Framed'. There I was, with my new smartphone in my pocket. I had just been trying it out with a few short recordings.

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