Friday 19 July 2013

The Royal Berth!

Dear Bill.

Not a great deal to report I'm afraid from the poop deck on Nb Dulwich Dishwasher.

Fire Guard of Honour
Well, in a break from tradition, I have decided to join in on the latest trend. Picking a gender for the royal sprog. So my choice is 'eeny meeny miny mo' it's going to be either a bloke or a bird. Though there is a chance it could be like a second cousin once removed. The one who failed the cadets and who we don't talk about any more. I think he sits at the back now playing with the raffia.

Mr Khan said that soon they will all be travelling home, in the back of a ford escort of the queens flight. Accompanied by princess cinderella's sisters. A photograph of cinder's sister will be then be ceremonially placed over the hearth, to keep the sproglet away from the fire.

ET goes home!
Then we had another go at guessing a suitable name. So the Memsahib's choice is 'eeny meeny miny mo' I reckon the sprog will be named after a pub. The George or Billy, after uncle Will I Am. 

Snopes says that uncle Diana has a ring about it. His favourite is Jedwood Windsor. But Brenda and Phil the Greek also have a certain charm to them.... Now if you asked me, Paul Daniel is a name to conjure with. 

Rodders and Snodgrass said, that as the family are traditionalists. The sproglet could be named after uncle Harry Potter. You know, Jim's lad, the only ginger biscuit in the packet who has a striking resemblance to  Beavis. 

Jessie Coalhouse, said because the sprog is a member of the royals she prefers the name Doulton. Doulton will of course automatically go onto the unemployed royals civil list starting at the minimum wage for a work experience royal sprog. So it will be on £4.78 million a year. She is thinking about creating her own royal berth on the finger moorings.

Then there will be the photographers bun fight. As the worlds media gather round. As usual its been organised to take place outside the side entrance to the mother and baby unit. Just to get a photograph of a wrinkled face, swaddled up in an ex army blanket and if there is time a photo of the sproglet as well.

We are off now to wet the baby's head in the Frog and Parrot.

Its going to be such fun...

Well I must run, toodle pip old boy.

Cap't Bob

"The events depicted in this series of letters are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental. No person should without the prior permission of the author assume the identity of any character. These letters are a story that could be based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be accidental composites, or entirely fictitious. I was helped in my creative endeavour by my friend's telepathic cat named Huxley. Huxley assumes all responsibility for any mistakes and errors."

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