Monday, 12 November 2012

You know when. (1)

It must be the winter again. I can say this with some certainty because apart from burning coal on the boat stove most days. The occasional white rime I find attached to the grass some mornings when I take the dogs for a walk. Plus a curious effect I have discovered, when water goes from soft to hard. 

I have now discovered one sure fire way of ascertaining the arrival of winter. This is when someone else's laser guided cold feet, unerringly find their way onto my back. Even from the deepest of slumber I am galvanised into instant action. It's then I begin to realise that the blankets have also been gathered over to the other side of the bed. There is also a reluctance to give up what has surreptitiously been purloined away. Attempts to recover the purloined items can be met by an angry response to any tugging and pulling intended to divide back to equal shares once more.

I have also discovered that there is a sort of unclear cartography which is associated with variable fixed and flexible one way bed boundaries. 

I have attempted in the illustration to clarify the boundaries as I understand them. However it would seem that there is some further variation depending on the time of night.

There is also a variable ownership of individual  comfort items which usually first manifests itself just  a short time after I have fallen asleep. This is soon followed by one-sided incursions across the peacekeeping demarcation lines. This is usually followed by a bout of gentle pushing and shoving on my part in an attempt to recapture some of the lost ground. However much  care has to be taken if the DEFCON 5 level is not to be exceeded. This can be brought about by some slight amount of sleep deprivation undergone by the enemy.


1 comment:

  1. Dear comrade grump,

    I too have exactly the same problem. Yes, I'm the one who stays put while Dave wanders round the bed with the quilt wrapped round him. However there are a couple of extras to add to the all too familiar list:

    1) Wandering pillow syndrome: Wherever he meanders to, the pillow goes with. If one turns over & the cross over pillow effect is in place, it leaves one in mortal danger of being smothered by what is in effect the duck down equivalent of an air bag.

    2) Wandering kneeball affliction. This happens when a knee cap connects with one's bum cheeks whilst it is being steered towards the latest night time yoga position.

    Yawn, Heth the Feth Yawn, Yawn


Please put your name to your comment. Comments without a name may automatically be treated as spam and might not be included.

If you do not wish your comment to be published say so in your comment. If you have a tip or sensitive information you’d prefer to share anonymously, you may do so. I will delete the comment after reading.