Sunday, 22 July 2012

Pee Wee Patrol.

The Inland Waterways are without a doubt a very dangerous place to be. CaRT the whole new singing and dancing replacement for common sense has just released its latest Elsan Safety Regulations.

CaRT will provide the safety policies and risk assessments. The correct personal protective gear  such as overalls, boots, gloves and eye protection to ensure that users are protected from inadvertent splashes as well as accidental contamination by sewage.

CaRT will ensure that suitable sanitary provision is made for the quantity of people anticipated to use the facility at the same time. (To a maximum of four per seat.)

CaRT will ensure that thought is given to location, access, lighting, signs and paper strength. Attention should be given to fast access requirements for the incontinent.

CaRT will position the elsan facilities close to any area set aside for people with special needs such as viewing platforms.Toilets must be clearly visible, lit and signed. Where appropriate, the individual units, should be colour coded with the existing d├ęcor.

It is essential to pinpoint toilets so that people are sheltered from bad weather. It is also essential that ramps and steps are provided for short arse boaters.The units ought to be steady and fitted with a non-skid seat surface. Make adequate provision (posters and pamphlets) for short intervals or breaks in user performance.

Preparations ought to be made for the rapid clearance of any blockages after a barbecue. A calculation must be made of the suitability of the pot size for the nature and duration of each visit. Consider placing toilets at places of high interest such as no mooring areas.

In all situations, the sanitary facilities will be subject to the users personal profile. To estimate sanitary provision requires knowing the audience size and then estimating the projected male to female ratio. The type and nature of food and fluid intake.

Organise the facility to ensure that the ground does not become waterlogged leading to localised flooding. The Disability Discrimination Act 2005 will apply with regard to sanitary accommodation for people with special needs.


Please look after the facilities and keep everything clean and in good condition. A special dispensation has been given for the toilets seats. Teeth marks in the seat are acceptable for those with constipation.




Later......



1 comment:

  1. Aha! I SPY a pair of luminous safety glasses connected to a piece of string covered in shit.

    Aww, thank you CART for keeping us safer than BW did..

    From comrade H, blinded by the dark...

    ReplyDelete

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