Saturday, 2 June 2012

Asbo Crimbo or Mumbo Jumbo!

The Sun (the bright yellow orb in the sky) comes out and with it comes the silly season. Once the the silly season was the remit of newspapers. However as we don't have newspapers anymore. Since the change of emphasis from reporting news to reporting celebrity tittle tattle and getting your tits out.

Anti Social Behaviour Orders were a means of addressing a new phenomena discovered by the government "The Hoodie Culture." The people who brought in this legislation were of an age to have been in the peer group of Mods and Rockers. However, they had conveniently forgotten about flared trousers,  winkle pickers, bootlace tie, brothel creepers and the Ducks Arse hair cut. Which like wearing a hood today were just badges of office of your peer group.

Anti Social behaviour is not the remit of the young person wearing a hood. ASBO's have been given to people well into their 90's. In one case for playing music too loud and too late in the evening. Turns out they were deaf and the problem was cured with a pair of headphones. 

Most of the people under the hoods are just like you were at their age. They are bit ageist, because all the oldies do nothing but moan and moan about them. They like a beer or two, well the example has been set to a high standard by our generation. They like a smoke, in our day it was cool to smoke tobacco, today its cool to smoke a splif. They hang around on street corners, I wonder where they got that idea from. They listen to loud music, we know where they got that idea from - t'was the 93year old ASBO owner who set the standard.

So why is it the silly season I hear you ask...?

Following on from the Cold - Warm - Hot Pasty Tax U-Turn the government has now decided to play around with the ASBO. Now we have the CrimBO (Criminal Behaviour Order) This now runs slipshod over Crimbo as a popular name for the Christian festival we call Christmas.

The Home Office muppet has finished polishing her leopard skin shoes and counting the paperclips. After sharpening her pencil and cleaning her nails.  Lemon T has come up with a whole new wheeze. She has decided to rebrand the ASBO. (a notorious running joke famous for its total ineffectiveness) Home Secretary Theresa May (another notorious running joke for her total ineffectiveness) said that the new order was a sign of the government "putting the needs of victims first." and will "ensure people can hold the police and local agencies to account."

Whoops... rewind - press play. "putting the needs of victims first." and will "ensure people can hold the police and local agencies to account."

So the miscreants are no longer answerable. Now its down to the Police service, Fire service and Ambulance service who are accountable. So if some spirited Tory boys smash up a restaurant, you could make one of them Mayor of London. Forget Crimbos, bring back borstals and the birch. A good thrashing on the bare buttocks. Ah just like being at Eton all over again. I wonder if any Muslim or other religious minority will refuse to accept a CrimBO on religious grounds. 

Yes, its the silly season. Merry CrimBO readers. Better get an ASBO before they're extinct. Then you too can wear your ASBO with pride.


So I have decided that the ASBO should not pass into history. The ASBO should be quickly resuscitated back to life and given a quick polish and whole new role.

The ASBO is the third of the RoA awards to boaters.

ASBO Award

WCP Award 

GP Award


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