Friday, 25 May 2012

Meldrew Moment

In another of my Victor Meldrew moment's, I can't believe it.

Cameron's answer to everything is the "Big Society" which like Cameron has finally lost the plot. In a moment of complete madness the Downing Street Toff''s have come up with "£100 vouchers for parents to have lessons in how to bring up their children." The vouchers are to be made available through a popular high-street outlet. So you can all dash off down to Boots the Chemist and claim your vouchers now.

Location: Ascot Guide Price: £10,062 per week. 
Agent: Knight Frank, 01344 299399,

You can hire this houseboat during the Olympics, although it may be cheaper to make your own gold medals. There are four bedrooms, each with underfloor heating, and an upper deck with picture windows and panoramic views of the Thames. If you forsake the joys of Stratford, you could just laze on the split-level sundecks or sit in the Jacuzzi on the upper level. You just know that some twonk is going to rent this....

A Booze Cruise with a difference. Pub landlord Andrew Southerden has really pushed the boat out for the Queen's Jubilee - by turning his pub into a ship. The pub has become HMS Coach & Horses complete with funnels, life rafts, illuminated portholes and a bow. The pub will be officially "launched" on June 3, the same day as hundreds of ships are due to take part in a pageant on the River Thames in London. Hundreds of hours have been spent by local residents to transform the outside of the pub to look like a ship. Meanwhile the HMS Coach & Horses will be hosting a Regatta Street Party with live music, a best-built boat competition and a nautical fancy dress contest.

It's not often that I think we can learn something from our eastern European neighbours but today is the day!  People in the village were being driven mad by a boyracer, have devised the perfect revenge - they hoisted his car to the top of a huge willow tree.

The roadhog - who doesn't even have a driving licence - had driven villagers mad for months on end driving his souped-up white Ford Escort. But when the 24-year-old went to take it for another spine-tingling spin one morning, he found it parked in its very unusual space.

And the prank by residents of Lubczyna in Poland has worked wonders on Zbigniew Filo - he has promised to tone down his wild driving style. A police spokesman said: "We received a call from a man saying his car was stuck in a tree, and that his neighbours had put it there. After inspecting the site we instructed him to remove it from the tree," she added.

Locals have refused to say who carried out the prank, but have revealed that one villager's mobile crane was borrowed for the night. A neighbour said: "Whoever, or whatever it was, it’s probably a good thing as he was a dangerous driver and could have killed someone. Perhaps he’ll think twice about his hair-raising driving and about getting a licence or who knows where his next car might end up?" Pasty faced Filo said: "I get the message, but I think it was a bit harsh."


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