Not the 9 o'clock news again.

It ASDA be beyond belief.

Marisa Zoccolan a chef was surprised to find she was not allowed to buy two limes from a local ASDA supermarket. - wait for it - . She was refused the purchase because the limes could be classed as a weapon. Marissa was told purchasing more than one lime was deemed a weapon - because the citric acid could be squirted in someones eye.

Obviously, ASDA management believe if you only buy a single lime - then you could not possibly squirt it in someones eye. I wonder if its the same limit for ASDA custard pies. I feel that I want to do a drive by pie-in-the-eye for whoever dreamt up this rule.

Where there is a large pile of evil smelling muck

there is always the lure of filthy lucre.

Three Asian peers who were given lengthy bans from Parliament after wrongly claiming almost £200,000 in expenses are at the centre of an extraordinary legal battle over whether they were targeted because of their race. The sanctions were made against Lady Uddin, Lord Paul, and Lord Bhatia. But now another peer Lord Ali has hired lawyer Imran Khan to review the damning judgment on the peers by the Lords Privileges and Conduct Committee.

Lady Uddin claimed more than £100,000 by stating that she lived in Maidstone, Kent, rather than in East London. Lord Bhatia claimed £27,446 on the basis that he lived in Reigate rather than South-West London. Lord Paul, has repaid £41,982 however he designated a one-bedroom flat in an Oxfordshire hotel that he owned as his main home. The collective "amnesia three" also claimed significant travel expenses. They even forgot that they did not have to travel outside of London.

Multi-millionaire Lord Ali said: "I felt I had no choice but to ask Imran Khan to conduct an independent review."

OK, let me see if I have gotten this right. Three Asian peers caught with their snouts in the trough to the tune of 200,000 have managed to avoid the courts, avoid a custodial sentence, and to keep their jobs. They believe that they have been hard done to, because their Asian.

I can offer Lord Ali an instant review - The Conduct committee included Lord Dholakia who for 25 years was head of the Commission for Racial Equality. With the best will in the world its hard to be so forgetful year after year to the point that it slips your memory where you live and where you travel home to everyday. Now, if you break the rules you can expect to pay the penalty. In this case £200,000 in expenses is not a trivial matter. In another house some of the miscreants have been sent to prison. In this case, I personally hope that the three get a good spell inside rather than just being locked outside of parliament for a while.

Several none Asian MPs have had custodial sentences and have lost their jobs.  I wonder if Lord Ali will be wanting a judicial opinion on their cases. After all were they discriminated against because they were not Asians. As that famous Asian - Ali G - would have said "Is it cos thems no Asian man"

As its time for the pantomime season I wonder
whats been happening on the waterways.

Ruth Ruderham the charismatic new head of Fundraising at CART (salary £70,000) is not wasting any time in coming up with ways to fill the CART coffers with funds. Ruth wants waterways staff to undertake a 300 mile sponsored bike ride from London to Brussels via Amsterdam, crossing three countries in five days. In a revolutionary change to the normal way of doing such things, the staff are expected to take three days annual leave and to include their normal days off as well. Not resting on her laurels - Ruth wants the staff to pay the £145 entry fee and then to commit to raise at least £1,300 in sponsorship. Oh! and provide their own bike!

On yer bike Ruth!

The All Party Parliamentary Waterways Group is to meet with the Waterways Minister, Richard Benyon on Thursday 8th December. This is to clarify the position as given by British Waterways to the All Party Parliamentary Waterways Group.

The Future of the Waterways.

You might have expected that the British Waterways' chief executive would have been asked to explain the discrepancies. Between what he told All Party Parliamentary Waterways Group regarding the funding gap and what the chief executive said at a recent British Waterways'  meeting.

It is a widely held opinion that government is turning the British Waterways quango into a charity, without an adequate level of funding. However, it now seems that the All Party Parliamentary Waterways Group  intends to hold the minister to account on this matter. Maybe there is a credibility issue about the BW CEO!

I have chosen to write to the charity commission and my MP about my serious concerns for the future of the inland waterways under charitable status.

 In another Pantomime story about the back end of a horse.

A Miami transgender woman is facing charges of practicing medicine without a license. Police say she injected a patients rear in an illegal cosmetic surgery procedure. Oneal "Ron" Morris, was arrested after an investigation by the Police and the Department of Health.

According to police, the victim saw Morris in May and was injected in her buttocks with a substance consisting of cement, Fix a Flat, mineral oil and super glue. The amateur incision was then sealed with super glue. The victim was later hospitalized with a serious medical condition as a result of the injections.

Morris, who police say is a man - but appears to look like a woman - sports an apparently enhanced rear herself in her arrest photos. Police believe there may be other victims of Morris who may be afraid to come forward. I'm sure they will eventually get to the bottom of this.


Does anyone else remember the Rod Stewart "Do You Think I'm Sexy" send up by the late great Kenney Everett

Later....