Sunday, 1 March 2015


Following on from the recent round of posts on 'Creative Accountancy' where visitor numbers to the canal have finally been massaged until they have reached stratospheric levels of absurdity. Where the old observations of the wise, such as 'Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics' have finally been combined with not being able to 'Fool All of the People' all of the time.

Its a simple formula, 'Creative Accountancy' multiplied by 'Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics' over 'Fool All of the People' equals CaRTenomics. The ingredients are mixed in a simmering cauldron over the embers of the Quango bonfire. The resultant CaRTenomics gloop is first served up with a entrée of Red Herrings. Before being spoon fed to the public and drip fed to the politicians. It is then followed by a desert of Sour Grapes. Accompanied by a bottle of Château Buffoon served in a Poison Chalice.

I have come up with a suitable name. I call it CaRTenomics. Basically CaRTenomics is the process of 'Wasting Public Money' with a large pinch of 'Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics' and an even larger dollop of not being able to 'Fool All of the People' all of the time.

I was intrigued by the latest wheeze involving of CaRTenomics. Casting around for any sort of publicity, like a failed 'Z' list celebrity. CaRT is now going to present awards under the title of 'Living Waterway Awards'. Which considering that CaRT can only have the most fleeting of commonality with any of the subjects, including the waterways. Therefore it begs the question what value could or should be placed upon such awards. The 'LWA' has all the hallmarks of a budget series for nursing home television. Bridging the gap between celebrity food poisoning and retired political commentators barging around.

Bizarre Act
Take the 'Art & Interpretation' award as an example. Which I can only assume is aimed at 'taggers' for all the graffiti to be found along the canal. Which to give the 'taggers their due', is certainly improving the environment. I wonder if they might also qualify to get an award for environmental improvements! If you were the chosen recipient would you think of it as being an award for outstanding achievement. After all its presented by a charity intended to maintain navigation along the local canal. It has all the cachet and meaning of the Harold Shipman award for medicine or the Fred West award for family values.
The inland waterways are in dire straights due to the years of underfunding. But rather than use any available money for fixing a lock paddle or even greasing the mechanism. The Trust in a yet another mind boggling and bizarre act. Now thinks it can use public money for self aggrandisement of the trustees to strut the stage handing out a series of worthless acknowledgements. Can you hear that feint sound, its music, its Nero on the fiddle as the conflagration for the inland waterways grows.

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