Thursday 1 August 2013

Jolly Taxpayer

Dear Bill.

Not a great deal to report I'm afraid from the back deck on Nb Dulwich Dishwasher.

I have been amazed by the riots in Rio de Janeiro on the television news. Millions of people can be seen out on the street protesting. First about the economy and second over money being used to fund the world cup. Its stunning to think that under the management of the amazingly named 'Step Ladder' FIFA has turned a whole footballing nation against their all consuming national sport. All achieved at the same time as the country spends millions it can ill afford as it prepares to host the World Cup event next year. I think they pinched the idea from FaRT who also seem to have achieved a similar thing with the boating fraternity. All achieved with the aid of millions of the tax payers money.

The Memsahib is very annoyed about the government wanting to sell off Mr Khan's corner shop's sub post office. The boss was there when woman went in to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination would you like?" asked Mr Khan. The woman said, "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this? Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Anglican, 2 Jehovah, and 40 second class Atheist."

Looks like the FaRT's inner sanctum are having problems recruiting friends once again. Snodders was hanging onto the bar of the 'Jolly Taxpayer' last night. He told me a story about what he calls 'the truss.' It seems that the post office had to recall its series of stamps printed to celebrate the setting up of the 'Banal and River Trust. Because they said people were confused about which side to spit on. It was nothing to do with the misprint as it was factually correct!

The Memsahib brought home yet another little surprise. This time it was a jeroboam of château, 'cadavre de canal et la rivière.' It was described as a full bodied little number. Which  was obtained from Khan's corner shop and bistro. Then the Memsahib said that she happened to come across 'Frosty' Coalhouse. The frump was in her usual chair and mood in the 'Goat and Compass'. She slurred something about a real friend knows when to listen, when to stop listening, when to talk, when to stop talking, when to pour wine, when to stop pouring wine and when to hand over the bottle.

I happened to bump into old Digby Snopes you may remember he is the Secret FaRT Trustee. Diggers was wandering down the towpath and so I assumed he must be totally lost. Snopes is not a bitter person, but he is having trouble coping with the realities the modern world after working at FaRT. Apparently he lives in a world where things happen and conspire to create confusion in his small circle. He was banging on about the new trustees who are made up of do-gooders all seeking a bit of recognition in readiness for the next honours list being published.

A bit of good news, I saw Peregrine 'Dicky' Bowe and he was telling me he had been made FaRT Employee of the month by all his work colleagues  It was not won by dint of his efforts along the canal but more for his lack of intestinal control. He is now banned from the volunteering staff afternoon siesta  cabin.

Well I must run, toodle pip old boy.

Cap't Bob

"The events depicted in this series of letters are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental. No person should without the prior permission of the author assume the identity of any character. These letters are a story that could be based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be accidental composites, or entirely fictitious. I was helped in my creative endeavour by my friend's telepathic cat named Huxley. Huxley assumes all responsibility for any mistakes and errors."

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