Monday, 26 December 2011

The RoA awards for 2011.

The winter season officially began in the northern hemisphere on Dec. 22 with the annual celestial event known as the winter solstice The southern hemisphere, on the other hand, will kick off the start of summer at the same time. The nice bit is that the days will now get longer, if not warmer for the next few months. The winter solstice, is also confusingly known as midwinter.

Soon we will all be able to start planning our boat cruise for 2012. But first of all there is the small matter of the Rose of Arden awards for 2011.

Nike is this years winner of the RoA Gold Medal in "ripping off their thick and stupid customers."

One of our old colony's seems to have gone into the realms of the surreal once more. These are the folk in the USA. The ones with a huge nuclear arsenal and the spare time to go round the world forcing their values at the point of a gun to other cultures. Oh, yes I admit we Brits have helped them in this endeavour.

But I digress.

Apparently, battles have broken out in shops across the United States as Christmas shoppers jostled to lay their hands on Nike's new shoe. There was widespread public disorder as shoppers vied to buy a retro version of a classic Air Jordan shoe.

The original shoes became popular targets for thieves. Police reported having to use pepper spray on customers who started fighting at a store in Seattle. There was an attempted robbery in the street on a victim who was mistakenly believed to have just bought a pair of the shoes. The original Air Jordan created a subculture of collectors. Who rarely wore the shoes but were willing to wait hours to buy the latest pair. A new pair retails at about £115, but they are already being listed on eBay for as much as £350. The shoes are estimated to cost about £1.50 a pair in materials and labour in Asia to make.

The Society of Sports Therapists is this years joint winner along with RoSPA of the RoA Silver Medal for "stating the bleeding obvious."

With temporary ice rinks appearing in towns and cities across the UK, the Society of Sports Therapists is reminding people that ice skating can be a dangerous sport. It warned of a risk of serious injury and advised people take precautions. The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents said falling over and the risk of bumping into people required safety precautions to be taken.

This years winner of the RoA Bronze Medal for "Despots."

I'm a little despot short and stout
Is the new North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. Kim has been hailed by North Korean state media as the new "supreme commander" of the country's powerful armed forces for the first time.

The ruling party newspaper Rodong Shinmun also called on Kim Jong-un to lead North Korea to "eternal victory". State media had been calling Mr Kim "the great successor" after the death of his father Kim Jong-il. While some hope his death will herald the fall of the dictatorship in North Korea. Some question whether his son, Kim Jong-Un, posed to take his place, will have the weight to assume the reins of the country. I'll never ever forget that time when Kim Jong-Il sent the world a picture of himself lighting a fart on the train.  Kim Jong-il the old leader is now known as Kim Jong-ded.

The Towpath Dog Turd award for 2011 goes to Mark Bradford.

Dog Turd Award Winner
In Plymouth, a middle aged man decided to take a break from real life to play a computer game called "Call of Duty." Unfortunately, being an adult and up against a kid, Bradford proved that he wasn't that good!

Mark Bradford aged 46 and a father of 3, has been taken to court for attacking a 13 year old kid, when the kid "killed him" on Call of Duty Black Ops. Bradford carried out the real-life revenge attack on the teenager who killed his character in an online video game.

Bradford, saw red when the boy gloated after gunning him down while playing the game. Because he was such a sore looser, the kid also called him a name. Little did the 13 year old know that Bradford knew where he lived! He grabbed the boy by the throat and forced him to make and apology. That was until his mother came in and rescued him. The childs mother said “It’s pathetic that a grown man would attack a defenceless child like this. If you can’t handle losing to a child then you shouldn’t be playing games."

Bradford said  “I’d been playing the whole day and he was baiting me and just would not shut up. I just lost it. In a moment of madness I went round to the house. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I just grabbed him.” In mitigation John Haythorne said Bradford expressed remorse and was in receipt of incapacity benefit and suffered from "mental health problems".

District Judge Morgan-Jones told Bradford: "It is of great concern that you, as an adult who is expected to be able to control yourself, managed to blur the lines of fantasy online gaming and the real world you actually live in." He added that it was not acceptable behaviour. He accepted the instance was "out of character" and Bradford suffered "very real personal difficulties" but said the offence was "so serious" it merited a custodial sentence."

Mark Bradfords Facebook Page.

The Inland Waterways Slime Ball award for 2011 goes to Ben Harp of Harp Narrowboats.

The story of commissioning a boat build and the very real threat that such a prospect offers is very apparent at the moment. The recent débâcle with NB Waiouru and the treatment metered out by Ben Harp of Harp Narrowboats is beyond belief. This has set back the boat shell building and fit out industry decades.

And finally.... The Rose of Arden fluffy gong for the best shaggy dog story of 2011.

Scamp the Champ
If Scamp the dog was living up to his name by playing a trick on his owners, a grandmother in Washington USA isn't laughing. Reta McKinlay thought her grand children's puppy died after it escaped through a fence at her Yelm home and was hit by a car. The cross Yorkshire Terrier-Shih Tzu mix was bleeding, his eyes fixed. He wasn't breathing.  Reta said that her husband wrapped him in a blanket and left him under a wheelbarrow to keep animals away. They prepared to bury him the next morning. She told her 6-year-old twin grandchildren that Scamp had gone to heaven. But when her husband returned, Scamp was sitting up.  Reta says Scamp's return is the family's Christmas present. "We just said miracles happen, and maybe we were wrong and maybe because everyone was sad and praying, maybe God decided to let him live."

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to my reader.


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