Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Sycophant Alert

You know me, i'm a grumpy old git at the best of times. Today, is no different to most other days in my week. However, some days go down hill pretty fast, especially when I get a bout of Sycophobia (a loathing of sycophants) a word I made up myself.

Harper's Bazaar is not a periodical that I would normally read. I put this in the same class of periodicals as I do “Toilet Monthly” which like Harper's Bizarre is to be found hanging by a corner string on the back of all good toilet doors.

The esteemed organ that is Harper's Bizarre has published a best dressed list for 2011. Now call me old and cynical but who actually gives a toss about who is best dressed. In my day the first up in a morning was always the best dressed for that day. Somehow I get the feeling that whoever is voted best dressed, will not have had that early morning competitive experience.

So you will not be amazed to find that the Duchess of Cambridge, has topped the Harper's Bizarre - Best Dressed List for 2011. The panel of judges described Kate's style as an "incredible style evolution that has gripped us all." Well, it seems that I must have missed being gripped. Unfortunately the panel of judges also missed being gripped, by the scruff of the neck and the seat of the pants and horizontally introduced to the door.

I didn't however miss the bout of extreme nausea and projectile vomiting that was induced by the Bizarre editors comment that "She gave us the year's, if not the century's, most thrilling fashion moment". I feel compelled to ask myself how much brown nosing can be done on a single breath of air.

Now call me old and cynical, but a pair of trousers have two legs, not one, not three, just the two. No matter what you do, you can't change the fact that most of us are fitted with two legs. No matter how you count them, two legs are two legs. So despite how much you frig around with the concept – trousers have two legs. They have had two legs for quite a while now. The original designers have long gone from the planet Earth. I am also convinced that modern fashion designers are not on the same planet as the rest of us.

This brings me on to this modern fashion thingy. I would not call myself a style icon but like most others I have two legs, I have had them for a while now. So what’s changed in the shape and number of legs in trousers.

Take any other article of clothing, its just the same. Two arms, two feet, but only the one arse. A practical concept that was first started with wrapping yourself in animal skins to keep warm. A design concept that was soon established to the fundamental requirement to have a minimum and a maximum of two legs in your trousers or keep falling over. Has taken several millennia to become something now called fashion.

So what is a fashion designer exactly? To me its just a load of balls sycophants. According to Wiki - Sycophancy means: Obsequious flattery. Other alternative phrases that are often used are: ass kissing, ass licking, crawler, fawning, flunky, grovelling, hanger-on, lackey, lickspittle, sucking up and toady.

Yes, this fashion malarkey is just pants!


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