Saturday, 3 November 2012

Monster Raving Loony Party

I recently had cause to write to the Rochdale Branch of the MRLP (Monster Raving Loony Party). As the next general election draws ever near. I wanted to find out how each of the local political parties feels about the canals and rivers within their area. My quest was to see if there was a political groundswell to invest some of the money left over from the East Coast Main Line bidding process into the canal infrastructure. This could be done by way of a charitable donation to a good cause. I have started my quest with the very memorable Rochdale Canal which we had cruised last year.

I explained that with any residual from the East Coast Main Line bidding process. I have a particular deserving case in mind for a charitable donation. Which is the Canal And Rivers Trust. I described some of their current thinking on obtaining charitable funding. Including carving poetry onto lock gates. Major capital investments as loss leaders. Square bollards. Filling boats with trees and sailing them round the inland waterways (if they will go under the bridges) 

I could see how such fund raising ideas would fit into the MRLP Raison d'ĂȘtre.  I pointed out the importance of the work of CART. That it was such, that the deserving CEO gets a salary which has been reduced to a point that makes the current PM look impoverished. I also enquired if it would be possible for the MRLP to award a "non refundable honorary membership to the MRLP to such deserving cases." 

I have had an initial reply from the head toad. He seems to be perfectly aware of what he describes as "Rochdale's wonderful canal heritage." He goes on to acknowledge the ancient remains of the industrial heritage of the Rochdale canal. As well a acknowledging   the local wildlife habitat that the canal now provides. The head toad also offered some general advice to boaters who may be considering cruising the Rochdale Canal. He also went on to outline the MRLP's  future plans for extending the canal.

Fingers crossed - I think I may have swung it for CART to become the first MRLP "Non Refundable Honorary Award Winner."

24 October 2012 

I am delighted to see that Rochdale's wonderful canal heritage is being recognised. You forgot to mention our world-famous collection of rusting bike-frames and bedsteads that liberally festoon our ancient waterway. In parts, I can cross the waterway without getting my toady feet wet.

If you go off Oldham Road to where the canal has been filled in by the Halfpenny Bridge, you will see an excellent household refuse dump consisting of carrier-bags, plastic bottles, used condoms etc. It provides an ideal breeding ground for all manner of waterborne wildlife including rats, bacteria, flies and, of course, young toadlets.

I am amazed that you managed to navigate the canal without having to lift your boat out of the water at various stages as it passes through some of the most dilapidated slums and rotting industrial sites in the UK. It might be an idea to get your family screened for Legionnaires Disease, Black Water Fever and Cholera as a consequence of your cruise. 

It is our party policy to extend and widen the canal to link up with the Manchester Ship Canal so that visiting cruise-liners to Liverpool can witness some of the post-industrial grandeur that you describe.

Ribbet, ribbet.


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