Friday, 23 November 2012

Long term prospects for 2013

As England, Wales and Scotland were battered by wind and rain a weather expert warned that this could be the wettest drought on record. The meteorological office have issued a stern yellow and green warning. Their advice is to prepare ourselves for serious and prolonged outbreaks of mild weather. After the expected heatwave on Monday morning, drought conditions will be declared on Tuesday. This will be in the form of hose pipe bans and the need to exercise water conservation by Wednesday. So be prepared to share a bath with any nearby neighbours. There will be long periods of no sunshine between the early evening and the following morning.

Local authorities are swinging into action with their emergency response plans which are to begin in late spring next year. This will include the stockpiling of large amounts of road salt in preparation for the right kind of snow. Other kinds of snow will be ignored. Flood warnings will only be issued for areas with a long history of existing high water level problems. Plans include sharing the communal sandbag on a strict rota. It is predicted that storm front clouds might yet have a silver lining.  Resulting in shallow pools of water forming localised lido's on the streets.

As expected the rail franchise holders have a selection of mantras ready for any Unforeseen/Foreseen disruption. The Wrong/Right kind of leaves. The Wrong/Right kind of snow. Shallow/Deep water on the line. It is expected that there will be a significant Rise/Fall in fat cat pay, bonus and pensions which the various CEO's will collect from their holiday home locations.  

In an attempt to stop Ash Die Back text Sally to 70007 to plant a future victim.

The Canal And River Trust is expected to create another new committee to advise on the Lack/Abundance of water in the canals. A new committee to advise on the The Lack/Abundance of poetry on lock gates. A new committee to advise on the Lack/Abundance of trees growing in boats.

The creation of the John Dodswell award for persistence.  Achieved by standing directly in front of the fan. With a full cassette of Canal World Forum's finest on lock and load!

Stop Press: update from Canal & River Trust. "Michael, you are welcome to share your views and give feedback on our page. Trolling however, is not allowed and you will be removed from his site if you [c]ontinue to do so. Please see our guidelines for posting to this page in the info section. Kind regards, Anja"

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