Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Petunia Clarkson

It must be the season of slow news on the cut and on the street.  Unless all you want to read and hear about is the Dirty Digger and his News International toilet paper printing business.
Jemima Clarkson
Jemima (puddleduck) Clarkson is a man on a mission. Clarkson, the man who did for Motor Sport what Eric Pickles did for Hang Gliding. Also known as "The ego with a face for radio, and a voice for satnav." Jemima is an icon in his own mind.

Some say that he is a man of very little talent, others say he has no talent at all.  All I know is he's a twonk you either loath or can't abide and he's called the Stink!

Pickles the man, (not the dog who found the Jules Rimet Trophy) is the political heavyweight Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government.

Petulant Clarkson  has been wittering on again in his Sunday Times column about quiting Top Gear. But before his bluff can be called. In a typical Clarkson way he reneges on the whole idea by conditionally tying his vaunted "I quit" into a BBC move to program production in Salford.

Fat Controller
Clarkson, took to his column like a duck to water, to protest a move to Salford, even though there are no plans to move Top Gear as of yet. Saying he would quit if the move ever did take place.

He blasted Salford, where he would have to move, as a "Small suburb with little to offer beyond a Starbucks and a canal with ducks on it.

Furthermore, if we ran the show from Salford, we'd be employing people from Salford. People who were born there and thought, 'Yes, I like this. I see no reason to go anywhere else'. And in the world of television, that could be a genuine handicap. Every year we'd end up making a Christmas special from the Dog and Duck or the nearest Arndale Center."

Eccentric, passionate,
one-off human being.
To the rescue comes former It's A Knockout presenter Stuart Hall who wrote an astute observation of Jemima Clarkson in the Radio Times "Clarkson is deluded. Does he imagine that at the advance of effete southerners, we retreat to our outside lavatories with ripped-up copies of the News of the Screws?

That in our back-to-back terraces we ply uncle Fred with chitterlings, chunks, bangers and chips, sit him in a commode, chamberpot handy, an ashtray full of dog ends, a basketful of empty tinnies and pretend he's dying through lack of care?

Manchester is booming, the financial sector deals with the world. Our scientists lead. Manchester is a seat of knowledge, a breeding ground for brains."

Some say "You can't replicate an eccentric, passionate, one-off human being like Stuart Hall. All I know is that he makes much more sense than Jemima Clarkson".


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